Like Molly-Mae, I stopped breastfeeding after six weeks, there's no shame in it

Before having a baby of my own, I assumed breastfeeding would come naturally.

In antenatal classes when the feeding expert squeezed a knitted boob at the group, we all laughed and thought there wouldn’t be much more to it. But for me, breastfeeding wasn’t a positive experience.

This week, Love Island’s Molly-Mae Hague faced backlash after revealing in a Youtube video that she’d ended her breastfeeding journey six weeks after giving birth. Like her – and many others – I also faced criticism for not continuing to breastfeed for longer.

My own breastfeeding experience actually lasted seven months, which I now realise, is actually a pretty long time. By the time a baby is six months old, just 1% of mothers in the UK are still breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding really took a toll on my mental health. My son was born prematurely and was tube fed for the first three weeks of his life, so feeding him didn’t happen like it was ‘supposed’ to.

Once we were home from the hospital our struggles continued; I paid for a private lactation consultant who diagnosed tongue tie in my baby. Once that had been sorted I assumed things would get better – but they didn’t.

The stress caused supply issues, his latch didn’t improve and despite reaching out to various experts and services, the pain, both physically and mentally, was negatively impacting me.

Even after a night in A&E where my baby had vomited blood – which turned out to have come from my damaged nipples – I refused to stop, mostly because I was so worried about what people would think, and the criticism I would face.

I struggled on, thinking what I was doing was the ‘right’ thing, but when every feeding or pumping session was leaving me in pain, and I was starting to do formula top ups to negate supply issues, I started to wonder who I was really doing this for.

Sadly, my experience isn’t uncommon, and breastfeeding can be a very divisive issue, where new mums experience pressure to breastfeed.

‘I think being involved in someone’s breastfeeding journey and being able to offer empathetic constructive feedback on the attachment process and feeding regime to new mothers should be done in a positive way,’ says Dr Milli Raizada, a GP, health educator and advocate.

‘The mother and baby’s physical and mental health should be at the forefront of our minds when discussing these issues.

‘Many people have their reasons or preferences on not choosing to breastfeed. We should be supportive, respective and non-judgmental to individuals and families who make this choice, as it can be a complex and very personal decision.’

As well as milk supply issues, like Molly Mae experienced, there are many other challenges new mothers face, which can make breastfeeding difficult.

‘A huge issue is maternal stress and lack of sleep which will drive the stress hormone cortisol high and reduce milk production,’ says Dr Milli.

‘Poor attachment at the breast which can cause pain and breast tissue infections (mastitis) can contribute too.’

‘I tried to breastfeed for five weeks,’ explains Grace Gibson-Venner, 38, a mum of one from Ashford, Kent. ‘But, my challenges with breastfeeding began on day one of TJ’s arrival.

‘We struggled to latch over the first 24 hours, in part is due to the fact I discovered I have very flat nipples, nothing like the accommodating shape and size we were shown on the woollen boobs at NCT, or in any breastfeeding guide or book I read.

‘Then, TJ was diagnosed with tongue tie which further lengthened the time between arriving in the world and achieving the ‘successful’ latch. We persevered for the next three weeks, but ultimately we were putting our very hungry little lad through a battle at every feeding time, when all he really needed was sustenance. It felt like I was somehow failing my baby to have him so distressed when trying to breastfeed him, so it was the right decision for all of us to stop.’

Many mums who stop breastfeeding believe they’re somehow to blame, and these feelings can cause feelings of guilt or failure.

For Charlotte Maltby, 33, from Chelmsford, Essex, a difficult end to her pregnancy and a lack of support when initiating breastfeeding led to her stopping when her daughter Penny was eight weeks old. Pressure from others made her question her decision, but she believes that she needed to trust both hers – and her baby’s – instincts.

‘I visited an osteopath when Penny was three weeks old and they made lots of comments about how breastfeeding would be the answer to all my problems,’ she explains.

‘I left that appointment really sad and like less of a mother for not breastfeeding. At this point, my hormones were already very wild and I was feeling rejected by my baby. I now know my daughter had a milk allergy and it wasn’t my fault. I do sometimes wonder if I could have made it work if I’d continued for longer. But as time has passed, I have been able to see the many pros to bottle-feeding too. And, I stand by the fact that my baby knew what she wanted and I praise myself for listening to her.’

While it’s easier said than done, Dr Milli suggests mothers who stop breastfeeding need to be kind to themselves.

‘Whether you choose not to breastfeed or are unable to due to various reasons, be kind to yourself and remember that your reasons are valid. Be confident that your baby will still get their nutritional needs through other modalities of feeding and you will still create a strong connection and relationship with them through eye contact, touch and responding to their cues.’

And, if you do decide it’s time to stop?

‘Gradual reduction and slowly reducing the number of breast feeds is best to to allow your breast milk supply to reduce and prevent any complications such as engorged breasts,’ advises Dr Milli.

‘You may want some support from the breast feeding team at this time to offer advice on breast milk engorgement management with breast or hand pump relief, which may be an issue if you suddenly stop feeding.’

For infant feeding support, visit the NHS website.

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