I was bullied and struggled to make friends – until I became a magician
There’s not many people who wouldn’t have a drop of nerves performing complicated magic tricks in front of hundreds of people on stage, but for me, it is one of the easiest parts of my life.
Whether approaching people in the street, working weddings and events, or even just entertaining a few people at the pub, magic has become my go-to happy place, my career, and even a form of therapy to get me through some of the tough times I’ve experienced.
As someone who has had mental health problems, and who struggled for years to manage their autism, that form of therapy is invaluable, even if it just appears to outsiders that I’m simply doing my job.
Working with people, interacting with guests and entertaining them, you would never know that for much of my childhood I suffered from severe separation anxiety, was highly sensitive, and even found it difficult to speak.
Growing up in South Africa, and after moving from England when I was just three, my parents struggled to get me a formal diagnosis for my autism, and I was simply known as a troublesome or even stupid child.
Over the course of 12 years in South Africa, I attended 13 schools, leaving some because I was on the verge of being expelled, and others because I was being bullied.
When we returned to England in 2011 when I was 15, everything changed, and I received a formal diagnosis for autism. While things improved due to the extra support and therapy I got through specialist teaching, I was still struggling with my sensitivity and wasn’t able to socialise.
I can’t even describe the change in me now, as I work in front of huge crowds, approach strangers, and have built a network of friends and even fans.
The difference – magic.
In 2014, when I was 18, my life changed when my parents got me a voucher for a three week Beginner’s Magic course at Davenport’s Magic in London for Christmas.
It wasn’t something I’d asked for, but I had shown a bit of interest in some magic tricks a family friend had shown me, so my mum and dad just thought I might enjoy it.
There, I learned basic tricks involving sponge balls and cards, and I was instantly hooked.
At the time, I was attending boarding school in Gloucestershire for sixth form, and when I returned from the course I found myself not only wanting to improve on the skills I had learned, but to show them off to fellow pupils, using the experience not only to build relationships, but to perfect my craft.
When I was younger, I couldn’t imagine having this level of self-esteem, but over the course of the next two years, I got better at both magic and socialising, building a friendship group and being asked to show tricks I’d learned, even winning the school talent show.
As I left school, my confidence not only in myself but in my talent was as high as it had been, and even though I attended university for a few years, I knew that I saw my future in magic.
I started going into local pubs, working for tips. Initially, the manager would ask people if they wanted to see a trick on my behalf, but the more I did it, the better my social skills became.
I combined growing my magic business with a more traditional job at Sainsburys, enjoying the flexibility that work gave me while taking on bookings for conferences, small parties, and even weddings.
In February of 2020, I felt like I was ready to go full-time, to fully commit to this career, and even passed my exams to become a member of the Magic Circle, the world’s most famous society of magicians, which involves an interview and a skills-based test.
Of course, we all know what happened next, and my plans were put on hold during the pandemic.
But still, I managed to try and keep myself busy, not only honing my skills even further but scratching my itch to perform by hosting several successful shows via Zoom.
Since lockdown eased, my career has been on an upward trajectory, and I’m trying to give back more and more, working with schools and hosting workshops to show not only how enjoyable magic is, but to try and help other neurodivergent kids that they are not ‘the naughty child’ but they can realise their value and talents the way that I have.
I truly believe in the power of paying it forward, and I don’t want any child, especially those with autism or Asperger’s, to feel the way I did growing up.
But I can’t pretend that it has all been plain sailing – while I am positive and truly believe that my life was saved by magic, I’ve still battled dark moods, suicidal ideation, and thoughts of self-harm.
My outlook was fundamentally changed by a traumatic experience last year when I was unfortunate to witness someone take their own life.
As I waited at a station, I noticed another man right in front of me and before I knew it this man had killed himself.
It was horrific, and I have experienced flashbacks and do find myself anxious in similar locations, and am much more aware of the people around me.
However, it has made me more enthusiastic about getting my playing cards out to engage others. You never know if that distraction may save a life.
I opened up about my struggles to my family, and I’ve tried to use all the aspects of my story, both good and bad, to inspire others.
It’s second nature for us all to just say ‘I’m fine’ but so many of us aren’t, and I want to be able to help people communicate.
I want to help people find that medium, whatever it is, whether sport or art or academia, to channel their energy and focus, and overcome what life has thrown at them.
That’s what I used magic for, and that’s how I plan to inspire others, especially young people on the spectrum – who I want to see avoid the unnecessary struggles I went through.
Ultimately, I would like to compete on Britain’s Got Talent, and one day take my show on the road, travelling the world or working on cruise ships to bring joy to as many people as possible.
But no matter how successful I become, I’ll always remember my journey, going from being that sensitive boy in the naughty corner, unable to focus, communicate or build relationships to the career I now enjoy.
Some people who do workshops like mine like to close with an inspirational quote, whether from a philosopher or political leader.
Personally, my tastes are simpler, and I always live by a line from Disney’s Winnie the Pooh – ‘You are braver than you believe, you are stronger than you seem, and you are smarter than you think.’
I never used to believe that – but after magic helped me turn my life around, I know it to be true – and I’m determined to make sure others know it too.
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