Are you generous or a pushover? This TikTok breaks down the vital difference

Written by Leah Sinclair

Being too generous can be a sign of something more – and it could be negatively impacting your wellbeing.

Establishing boundaries is important in any relationship.

Whether it’s family and friends or your partner and colleagues, letting it be known what is and isn’t acceptable is key to navigating the world where you can be there for others while still protecting yourself – but it’s not something that comes naturally to everyone.

Being socialised to support everyone regardless of your feelings and emotions isn’t uncommon – especially for women.

In a world that often teaches us to constantly give even when we are at our lowest, learning to confidently identify boundaries and enforce them to the people we care about can be tricky – but the first step comes with realising the difference between generosity and being a pushover.

Therapist Sarah Ahmed has done just that in a recent TikTok breaking down the difference between the two.

In the clip, which has gained over 14,000 views, Ahmed says it’s common for people to confuse “self-sacrifice with generosity”.

“Now, as a South Asian woman, this is actually something I’ve struggled with for a long time,” she says.

“Growing up, I’ve been taught – and I’m sure many of you can relate to this – we’ve been taught to give, give, give, give, give to the point where we have nothing left to give, but yet we give under the guise of ‘no, this is what being generous looks like, and this is what we’re rewarded for’. 

“In my case, I really had to pull back, reflecting on ‘am I actually giving out of generosity or am I giving because I’ve been taught to please people? Am I giving because this is how a woman should be just constantly sacrificing herself?’.”

Ahmed says that these questions allow you to realise whether what your giving is actually to the detriment of you’re own wellbeing.

“When you don’t have a lot to give, whether it’s financially, whether it’s emotionally, physically – you’re actually betraying your own needs.”

Ahmed concludes that when this happens, this form of generosity is a form of “self-betrayal”.

Many took to the comments to share how acknowledging this difference between generosity and being a pushover affected them.

“I felt this so deeply,” commented one user, while another wrote: “I felt empty for years because I never knew I was self-sacrificing. I’m now in a place where I’m learning to heal and make changes in my relationships and how I give and receive support.”

One user also acknowledged how she had to unlearn this form of self-sacrifice. “As an adult, I found myself expecting sacrifice from others because I thought it was love. It took a while to unlearn that but I’m getting there.

We’re taught many things as we grow up – some of which are useful and some are to our detriment. But as we get older, it’s important to acknowledge these traits and habits we’ve picked up over the years and assess whether they are positively or negatively impacting our wellbeing – and learning to put yourself first and find power in setting boundaries is one I truly support.”

Image: Getty

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